Motivation

What actually pushes someone forward? Some people chase money, some chase the craft. Most of us wobble somewhere in-between.

For a long time, especially when I was younger, I ran almost entirely on passion. I just wanted to build things that felt good in my hands and maybe in other people’s. That was enough.

Lately it hasn’t been; I’m older now, life has layers, and pretending that pure passion can power everything feels naive. I’ve trying to figure out why I feel so flat for a while now, so I’m writing this out to see the shape of it.

Context

I’ve been thinking a lot about how strange the modern creative ecosystem feels. There’s this gap between the work you pour yourself into and the way the world decides what that work is "worth". It’s not even about numbers, really. It’s more the odd sensation of watching value swirl around you in ways that don’t always line up with effort or impact.

It doesn’t make me bitter. Just a bit… unmoored. And when life responsibilities stack up, the mismatch gets louder in your head, even if you don’t want it to.

Passion

Passion’s fickle. When it hits, I can grind for hours and it feels great. When it fades, it’s like dragging a corpse up a hill.

I still love building things, but there’s a difference between loving the craft and being able to operate on it sustainably. If the external noise gets loud enough, even the stuff you care about starts to feel heavy. I guess I’m in one of those phases where the spark is there but buried under too much context.

Conclusion

I’m not looking for sympathy.

I just want to get back to a place where the passion and the practical stuff aren’t constantly fighting each other. I know it’s possible.